Sometimes u need to cry but can't find the tears. This world is soo so hard to live in. Can't we just slow things down abit to how they were before? Or skip to the end.
Why this dreary dolour, sepulchral sorrow, and mournful misery, laden with weary resignation and the spectre of despair? Where does this lugubrious emotion stem from?
Is it any wonder the best art, music, and literature have been attemps to distill such inexplicable bleakness into ideas others can understand? (Communicable affliction! haha I'm so funny)
Oh how we love to say we empathize...but there's nothing like experiencing it for oneself.

"Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy"

"Like vinegar on a wound is one who sings songs to a heavy heart. Like a moth in clothing or a worm in wood, sorrow gnaws at the human heart"

All the encouragement offered is naught without Your assurance and peace. Only Your hope alone can deliver me...please renew my strength daily to live for You in this fallen and dismal world.


Back in Dec I did a short write-up waxing lyrical over Portishead's widely-acclaimed Third. Deep Water was one of the definite highlights; and in many ways it encapsulates and contrasts in 100secs the inviting abyss of despair and beacon of strident hope that together serve as Third's lyrical focal point.
Bearing in mind that precious few ppl can tolerate reading paragraphs of my rambling on music, I shall simply state that today, this song and its lyrics were particularly haunting. I hereby present a small selection of music with similar musical and lyrical themes; and round off with a few buoyant Biblical meditations on the literary subject alluded to herein.

DM Stith - Thanksgiving Moon [Lyrics]
Yep it's the same David Stith who most recently featured in Dark was the Night contributing backup vocals to Blood, Pt 2. A frequent collaborator with labelmates My Brightest Diamond, Stith released his debut LP Heavy Ghost recently. Thanksgiving Moon is a melancholic meditation on misery, reveling in its conflicting duality of optimism amidst crisis.

Tin Hat Trio - Empire of Light [Lyrics]
Gorgeous. Nowhere as bleak as the others, which might lead to impressions of frivolity. Yet there's always a time and place for simple songs on missing a loved one lost...

Louis Armstrong - St. James Infirmary Blues
Yep the venerable funeral jazz dirge takes its customary place in any list of songs dark and tragic. With a 200-odd years old folklore behind it, it's firmly wedged into the subconsciousness of any educated musician; and regardless of whichever version you listen to, it's pretty hard to keep a happy face on.


"I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing; I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me."

"Deliver me from the mire and do not let me sink; May I be delivered from my foes and from the deep waters."

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters."


So...there are lotsa ppl who feel I nvr blog abt my personal life, so here's sth different for a(n unpleasant) change. Don't get offended. If you do, QQ more.
Sch is getting quite busy, n the seemingly endless tutorials/tests/reports/projects are annoying me. I miss the days where one could at least consolidate what one learns i.e. slack before getting rdy for exams...in uni hardly 2 weeks go by without sth that counts toward ur final GPA. Taking major exams every 6months (as opposed to 24) is a most unwelcome change of pace.
I've long become disillusioned with education in SG, but these past few months really take the cake. Surely it has sth to do with the sch/course I'm in; and to this day I plead with God to tell me why why why He led me to Aerospace. Engine would be bad enough - chinese-speaking majority, mathematics, lolcommunication mods, stuck-up profs who can't teach to save a baby's life, plenty of Philistines to go round, nary a pretty girl in sight - but when u throw in hyper-competitiveness and a somewhat poorly-structured course syllabus into the mix, it's just week after week of suffering. Why Lord do you test me thus? Is there not another way to mould me? and hooow can I possibly serve You with the knowledge and expertise of memorizing fibre lengths, deriving formulas for non-existent fluid models, bullshitting in reports, and other stuff which is completely useless and pathetically laughable outside of sch? Is engine supposed to be this irrelevant and impractical? Well yes I'm prejudiced cos I hate science and math. Airplanes are still cool though. I just can't appreciate my course, and, to be totally egoistic, it can't appreciate me.
I always imagined uni to be a place to enjoy the pursuit of knowledge? Well the library is pretty well stocked but ppl just camp there to do tutorials/past year papers, n books are only needed to complete that mandatory report. How is anyone spsd to learn and go deeper into any subject when so much of one's time and energy is taken a) catching up if you're lagging b) keeping abreast so you don't fall behind or c) staying ahead so no one overtakes you. This is so shitty and I apologize for the rapid degeneration into juvenile whining, but I just can't stand the culture here. And make no mistake a large portion of blame goes to the schools, and MOE (yes, I know MOE doesnt have jurisdiction over unis; no, it doesnt change anything) Aspiring teachers, I salute your genuine passion (well I hope it's genuine) but you'll soon realize, if you haven't alr, that the system is crooked. I've seen how my mom (who's a terrific teacher, if nothing else) has struggled against it for yeeaars; and in fact things've only gotten worse.
I really really want to get on the escape train. I've had plenty of reservations previously, but maybe it's time to be abit selfish. So plsss pray for me as I apply for fee-paying transfer to TU Delft in Holland. I'm really tired; and if the Lord really opens this door for me it'll be such a great great break. Ok I've kinda lost steam which is just as well. /rant
On the brighter side of things, I should be the satisfied owner of a Fuji F100fd in a few hrs. Well..I would still really really really like to have a LX3, simply cos it'll make taking photos interesting again, but at almost 2x the price I'm paying it's hard to justify the additional features considering I'm just an amatuer. Then again, some would say the 24mm wide angle and f2.0 aperture are pretty much unique to the LX3 amongst compacts...so I guess they're priceless? Well, if I see a decent deal during IT show I might snag it and sell off the F100fd or give it away.
Also, goodbye Ryyy =( nvr fear, skype and msn are ur frenz. Well, I might have posted a poem for u here, but I think u prefer it where it is heh. Take care little baby.

talk.

silence from you is like the death of a tune

links

ctrl + left click

archive

the law of dreams is to keep moving

misc

so goes the backing track of all the sighs we ever sighed